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Nov. 13th, 2007

(no subject)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LAURAN!  Love you!  Just thought I should say.

Sep. 27th, 2007


So, here I am, in Tokyo.  Jackie is staying with me for a couple weeks, and we're recording some sweet sweet sounds together!  Classes start next week, which i am SO psyched about.  Its weird being back in this city, which is a solitary and crowded and fast paced kind of intense, after being in Austin for a month and living spiritually and emotionally and active kind of intense.  I really prefer the latter.  Intensely interacting with my friends, reading poetry to each other, hiking down to the greenbelt to study and swim and drink beer with strangers, feeling most days like I was bursting with sunshine because of so much nature and rain and family and friends.  Couchsurfing around Austin and writing and creating, studying, being out in the sun and the rain everyday, coffee shops, recycling, bbqs, intense and short lived romantic flings, music music music everywhere.  Wow what a time I had.  But I feel like I'm carrying all of that love and living inside me like a beacon against the tired anxious zombiness that was creeping into me all last semester, and I keep reminding myself to keep living and writing and making music and feeling the autumn under my skin and and ribcage.  Er, I don't really know what else to say.  I will put up some of my recent writing and music later, when I'm not actually at work ^^;;

Sep. 25th, 2007

Back in Tokyo

Here I am, back in Tokyo again.  Classes start next week, and I'm working non-stop until then.  I'm so psyched about my classes this semester!  Anyway, I'll make a more meaningful update soon, sorry I've been outta commission for the past few weeks!  Miss Austin so much already >.<

Aug. 8th, 2007

(no subject)

There's cold sweat on my neck and arms, despite the heat and lack of airconditioning.
The postal service is keeping my backround thoughts at bay and my heart and feet in comforting rhythm.

I want so badly to believe that there is truth, that love is real.  and i want life in every word, to the extent that its absurd.

beat beat

My hair is longer and black, with a little curl now, and i seem to have a sort of graceless air of floating about my body.
I am disconnected.
           di   s
                   c  onne cte

i tried to draw, but my imagination is too abstract.
my friends are curled together upstairs on my bed
      and i am
left here, alone in my own home.
seeking some solace in sybillance and alliteration and playing polysyndenton games
too tired to decide, too tired to scour the bitterness out of my heart in its entirety, some remains some
the remains of ghosts
whom i would rather be left alone with
                 than two happy people curled together like one
solid ghost breath
in my bed.
     why it is that we can't breath and touch comfort to each other
we divide and multiply
                         and loose part of our self each time.
am i whole sitting here watching the sun rise
        and heat my tired body and bones
i write to create something of this moment
i write out of lostness
i write because i feel lost in my house
where are my ghosts who normally keep me company?
slightly scared, but not aching.

You know, the postal service is a really sweet band.

Jul. 13th, 2007


(no subject)

Well friends, sorry about no updating there for a while.  Things are a little rocky now, what with being in the middle of two weeks of finals, presentations, and term papers.  Not to mention gigs every saturday and sunday.  Also, working most days of the week, and GOTTA find time to transfer those credits before the end of the semester.  
My ray of hope.
Yeah, I know, I'm pretty pathetic, but after ten years of growing up with these books and being super involved with them, the end of the series is finally at hand.  So I'm pulling through to get my Harry Potter book, then a little more school, then summer starts and I can just work, gig, and spend time with my friends. (aka spend time with Emmie) :D
I'm so excited. 
Then, in mid-august, I can come back to the states for a month!  YAY!

Otherwise, we are about to be hit by a typhoon, this weekend.  Also, I have caught a cold.

Also, I have finally taken the big leap.  I've given up fish, I'm a full vegetarian now.  I just couldn't take it anymore.  I thought being able to eat fish would make it easier to live here, but instead, because I was eating fish so frequently because its in everything, it just made me feel ill, and begin to hate it.  So, I feel so much better now that its out of my diet.
Thats all for now, over and out.

Jun. 28th, 2007

(no subject)

I want to come home home home
I'm so worn out worn down worn around
Just need a break for a while, recharge before leaping into another semester.  3 more weeks, 3 more weeks and classes are over.  A month and a half, and I:m coming back to the states for a while.
Had a rough night last night.  Man, the rough ones are bad.  Not just crappy, but really bad.
Must go read now.  I feel like I'm become lost in the depths of my own mind, I retreat deeper and deeper into myself and rarely have any desire to communicate with the outside world, or make an effort in work and class.  Not sure how I feel about this.
Really exhausted now.

Jun. 22nd, 2007


(no subject)

I was walking down the road at uni today, and I walked past a bunch of Japanese girls standing in a circle around something, giggling and pointing and shrieking.  Curious, my friend Kayo and I peered around to see what it was that had them all excited.  It was a peach.  On the ground.  There were at least 10 girls standing in a circle, raising hell and shrieking because of a peach.

Then, I came home, and passed out for 4 hours because my body shut off without my permission.
On my way home, a raindrop hit me on the nose, and then clung there on the tip.  It made me chuckle.
Now, I must go explore Meguro, and find a grocery and a 100 yen shop.  Yes, I've moved to the new house in meguro.  I will take photos and upload them tomorrow, because I haven't moved all my bags yet and so I don't have my digital camera and its too dark for my phone camera.
Ohhhhhh man wanna go back to sleep.

Jun. 17th, 2007

(no subject)

The grad school options so far:

University of Edinburgh (top choice)

SOAS (Univeristy of London School of Oriental and Asian Studies)

University of Liverpool (Haven't investigated this much yet, but they have the degree I want, at least, so they're on the list so far)

Oxford (Stop laughing.  I know the odds aren't good.  Okay, I know the odds are like a million to one, but I'll still apply.  Those kind of odds have never really had that much of an impact on me before.)

Must convince myself that going to India for a year before starting work on my masters is a good plan.  Dying to get studying.  Want to be a hard working uni student again soooo bad.  Here its just going through the motions half of the time, more of a cultural and linguistic experience than a university one.
I'm so antsy to launch into grad research. 

(no subject)

I find myself becoming more estranged and poetic.
I feel old.
21 years here and old?  Not old that way.

I find myself becoming more poetic and estranged.

James Joyce seems to have had more of an impact on me than I realised.

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

But he can't write villanelles like Thomas, oh no, he has no such grace and poise.
But the imagery, oh the imagery.

The taste, the touch, the feel of the words as they trip from my tongue, I can't help it.
I'm changing, growing so fast I feel as though I'm skipping and missing important things.
But I'm alive.  Alone, but alive.
And fond of alliteration.
Amused, I might say.  I try to comfort
but I long for the company of a few people back home.
I long for the company of my family.
For growth?  Experience?  Change?  Sharpening my senses and focus, presence and appreciation, noticing- these things are necessary for me.  But I wish they didn't require the deprivation of my family and friends.  I can't seem to connect to my friends here in a comforting way- not entirely because of them, I'm coming to see, but because they're simply too new.  Not that anyone could replace  the parts of me my old friends hold.  

I'm growing into myself, I'm starting to understand what this means. 
Its scary
Its so big
Solitary type thing.

Hello hello hello hello hello?
I'm not sad, I'm not depressed, I'm just feeling strange.  And I miss so much so much.
into something rich and strange?

i love the stillness of the wood
i love the music of the rill
i love to couch in pensive mood
upon some silent hill.

there, a blatant literary reference, if the rest of this entry hasn't been obvious enough.  count them, count them, for they are many and they can be found if sought.  (for there is nothing lost that cannot)

Jun. 13th, 2007

(no subject)

Hello loves.

Tired on this end, as usual.  Almost 11pm here, and so I need to get to sleep by then.  I'm trying to do more homework in the morning, and on the train, and get to sleep earlier at night.  I've also removed the tv and aim from my habits, so I don't waste as much time anymore.  

Life is odd.
                My life is odd.

I've started my connection journal again, since Emily returned my old one.  There's some interesting stuff going on there.  My brain makes weird connections.

I'm going to get up and make myself a proper bento lunch tomorrow, and read some of my soul-mate love emily's poetry and edit, and then let my friend cut my hair.


I require rhythm with my words
                punctuation isn't passive
Repitition wraps the verbs
         Painting pauses as I breathe.

The tripping of tongue against the teeth-
       Whole and hollowed sounds resound
This torrid thing, I will not sheathe
Nor hallow words I've said too loud.

Rallied thoughts, here they echo and rebound
              Pounding the surrounding walls, in vain
Watch them rushing, drowning, dragging down,

                   Petals, rain-cast to the trodden ground.

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